Laugh Out Loud !!

Via-Agra

2005-09-06T02:53:00.000-07:00

2005-09-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Personal Ads

2005-08-22T01:09:00.000-07:00

Personal Ad Meanings

2005-08-20T00:51:00.000-07:00

Personal Ad Meanings

The real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads:

Women:

40-ish - 48.
Adventurer - Has had more partners than you ever will.
Athletic - Flat-chested.
Average looking - Ugly.
Beautiful - Pathological liar.
Contagious Smile - Bring your penicillin.
Educated - College dropout.
Emotionally Secure - Medicated.
Free spirit - Substance user.
Friendship first - Trying to live down reputation as slut.
Fun - Annoying.
Gentle - Comatose.
Good Listener - Borderline Autistic.
New-Age - All body hair, all the time.
Old-fashioned - Lights out, missionary position only.
Open-minded - Desperate.
Outgoing - Loud.
Passionate - Loud.
Poet - Depressive Schizophrenic.
Professional - Real Witch.
Redhead - Shops the Clairol section.
Reubenesque - Grossly Fat.
Romantic - Looks better by candle light.
Voluptuous - Very Fat.
Wants Soulmate - One step away from stalking.
Widow - Nagged first husband to death.Young at heart - Toothless crone.

Men:

40-ish - 52 and looking for 25-yr-old.
Athletic - Sits on the couch and watches sports.
Average looking - Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back.
Educated - Will always treat you like an idiot.
Free Spirit - Sleeps with your sister.
Friendship first - As long as friendship involves nudity.
Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack.
Good looking - Arrogant.
Honest - Pathological Liar.
Huggable - Overweight, more body hair than a bear.
Like to cuddle - Insecure, overly dependent.
Mature - Until you get to know him.
Open-minded - Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested.

Things you didnt know about Bruce Lee !!

2005-08-18T00:10:00.000-07:00

Things you didnt know about Bruce Lee -

Favourite vegetable: Mu Lee

Favourite breakfast: Id Lee

Favourite lunch: Tha Lee

Favourite festival: Diwa Lee

Favourite actress: Sona Lee

Favourite music: Qawa Lee

Favourite hill station: Kullu Mana Lee

Favourite Hindi movie: Gharwa Lee Baharwa Lee

Favourite cricketer: Saurav Gangu Lee

Baked Beans !

2005-08-16T23:19:00.000-07:00

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside. I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologising for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" I nearly died.

Mahine Ki Salary !!

2005-08-16T04:14:00.000-07:00

Ek Aadmi ne apni wife ko khat likha "Is mahine salary ke badle100 kiss bhej raha hoon".

Wife ne jawab diya Aap key salary ke badle 100 kiss milay:Hisaab bhej rahi hoon -

Doodh wala 2 kiss mein maan gaya,

Teacher ko 7 deni padi.

Subjiwala 7 mein nahin mana is liye 9 deni padi.

Makaan malik to roj 6 -7 ley jata hai.

Aap chinta mat karna, mere paas abhi lagbhag 30 - 40 aur hai.
Mahina aaram se kat jayega.

Shampoo Ad - This is GOOD !

2005-08-05T23:35:00.000-07:00

Show Letter !!

2005-08-04T00:31:00.000-07:00

Some of my favourite SMS JOKES....

2005-08-03T02:43:00.000-07:00

1. A wife asks hubby " How many women have you slept with?",
to which the hubby proudly replies "Only you darling, with others i was awake."

2. Q.Why does a man marry?
Ans. Because Romance is not the only element of life. You should also face Horror, Terror & Tragedy.

3. Its funny when people discuss "LOVE MARRIAGE" against "ARRANGED MARRIAGE", its like asking someone if suicide is better or being murdered???

4. How LOVE changes before Marriage : "Roses are red, Violets are blue, ur beautiful, I Love you !

After Marriage : "Roses are DEAD, I am BLUE, you get on my NERVES, someday i will KILL you.

5. If sometimes you feel useless, offended & depressed, always remember that you were once the fastest & most victorious sperm out of 100s of million.

6. Sardar asks CALL GIRL: How much?
she says 50 on bed,
20 on sofa, 10 on grass.
Sardar give her 50.
she says wow on bed?
Sardar: no 5 times on grass.

7. Different phases of SEX life
AGE 20- Din Raat
AGE 28- Roz Raat
AGE 38- Jumme Raat
AGE 48- Chand Raat
AGE 58- Only Jazbat
AGE 68- Galat Baat.

You know you are an INDIAN when.....

2005-07-30T02:19:00.000-07:00

Got this as a email fwd, found some of the stuff stated very TRUE.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE INDIAN WHEN -

Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminumfoil.

You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by pressing yourtongue against them and making a peculiar noise like, tshick, tshick,tschick, schick.

You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.

You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think its normal.

You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to markup.

You recycle Wedding Gifts. You name your children in rhythms (example: Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam.)

All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to theirreal names.

You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed" .

You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's theremote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

Your parents tell you to not care what your friends think but they won'tlet you do certain things because of what the other "Uncles And Aunties"will think.

You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions, whichnever happen.

You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls aspossible.

Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plasticutensils (Got free with some household items).

You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travelYou own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

You majored in engineering, medicine or law and now are after Softwareand only Software, no matter, which field you, belong to.

You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer itthat way).

You don't use measuring cups when cooking. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.

You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off orreceive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whosedaughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at thevelocity of more than the speed of light.

You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you'veeaten, even if it's Midnight.

When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, youdiscover you're talking to a distant cousin.

Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries haveimproved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of theirlungs when making foreign calls.

It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

You treat the NRI persons (especially from America) as if they are theonly persons living in this world (including YOU).

You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

You have really enjoyed reading this mail.

Some habits never change.....

2005-07-28T23:55:00.000-07:00

The Patel family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead Mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it.

When they open the lid, they found a letter on top.

"Dear brothers and sisters, I am sending our mother's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Gujarat. Sorry I could not come along as all of my paid leaves are consumed. U will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of chocolate and 8 packets of Badam. Plz divide all this among all of u. On Ba's feet u will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size10) for Mohan.

There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshim's sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ba is wearing 6 American T-shirts. The large size is 4 Mohan. Just distribute them among ur selves. 2 new jeans that Ba is wearing are 4 the boys. The swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist. Shanta Aunty, Ba is wearing the necklace, earings and ring that u ask 4.pliz take them off her.

The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews.

Pliz distribute all these uniformly and if anything more required let me know as Bapa is also not feeling too well nowadays......

Thanks Your loving Sister,"

Yeh hai MUMBAI meri jaan....

2005-07-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

Whatever people may say, I LOVE MUMBAI !!

Enjoy....

Where does the HONEY come from ???

2005-07-25T23:54:00.000-07:00

RIDDLE :

Why is HONEY golden in color?

*) Because of the Sun the flowers receive?
*) Because Flower Pollen is naturally Golden?
*) Because it's manufactured that way?
*) I don't know.

The answer may be found below.

The Honey Bee